Swindle Sheet.
Thoughts of revenge sweet

Revenge is sweet!

Whatever works,
Ms Apple Bottom

Friday, August 27, 2004

Beauty and the Beach

Whatever women do to prepare their bodies for beach volleyball competition, it sculpts them into a shape that pleases the eye — at least my eye.

Just Delectable, Ain't it?
Popy Ura

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

DMB shits on tour boat!

The Dave Matthews Band is being sued for dumping waste from its tour bus into the Chicago River and onto a sightseeing boat. The Illinois Attorney General's office on Tuesday filed a civil lawsuit against the band and their tour bus driver, claiming the driver emptied the bus' waste tank down a bridge over the Chicago River and onto an architectural sightseeing boat passing by.

The band and driver Stefan A Whol are accused of illegally dumping foul-smelling muck into the river and creating a public nuisance. About two-thirds of the 120 passengers on the upper deck of Chicago's Little Lady were doused with a brownish-yellow liquid as the boat crossed under a bridge during an August 8 cruise. Some passengers suffered nausea and vomiting after the waste cascaded into their eyes and mouths.

According to the lawsuit, on August 8 a bus leased by the band was heading to a downtown hotel where members were staying. As the bus crossed the Kinzie Street bridge, the driver allegedly emptied the contents of the septic tank through the bridge's metal grating into the river below.

Poor little Timmy Turtle,
Hank Jr

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


There is nothing like a nice photo of an ass!

Ms Apple Bottom

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

AT&T Wireless name to disappear

A potential conflict related to the AT&T brand name have been resolved by Cingular Wireless and AT&T, the companies said Tuesday. The issues arose out of the still-pending acquisition of AT&T Wireless by Cingular. AT&T previously had granted AT&T Wireless use of the AT&T and had previously suggested that the pending acquisition by Cingular may result in breaking that agreement.

Cingular Wireless and AT&T Wireless have announced that the two carriers have agreed to support each other's Multimedia Messaging Service (MMS) messages. Starting today, customers on either network can send MMS messages to customers on the other network transparently. That includes text, photos, animations, audio clips, and video clips. Both companies cite cross-carrier text messaging as a major reason for the explosive growth in text messaging over the past two years, and they view cross-carrier MMS as an essential element for widespread adoption of this service as well.

Cingular, which plans to offer services for the combined company under its own brand after six months, said the deal would help minimize confusion for AT&T Wireless customers. AT&T Corp., which plans to sell its own wireless services to business customers, said recently it planned to take back the wireless brand after the Cingular deal closes.

Popy Ura

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The Scream Affair

A day after the brazen daylight robbery of "The Scream" and a second Expressionist masterpiece by the Norwegian painter Edvard Munch, museum officials begged the robbers on Monday to show greater care for the treasures than they did while wrenching them free from the wall and smashing their frames.

Painted in 1894 by Edvard Munch, "The Scream" depicts an alien-like human gasping in horror for no apparent reason. Valued at over $50 million, it's come to symbolize both the 20th century's terrible wars and the internal turmoil of modern life. The image is widely used (with humorous irony) on T-shirts and punching dolls.

Neither of the robbers was challenged by the few guards at the museum, despite their unusual dress and behaviour. One of the thieves, dressed in a ninja outfit, is believed to have walked into a glass entrance door, unaware of which way it opened.

Interpol, the international police agency, reports that the black market in art theft ranks fourth among international criminal businesses, after drugs and arms smuggling and money laundering. That amounts to perhaps $5 billion a year, according to the FBI.

Shoplifters of the world unite!,
Hank Jr.

Monday, August 23, 2004


Crosby, Stills & Nash, Jackson Browne and Bonnie Raitt will headline a four-hour-plus concert in Phoenix on Sept. 29 as part of the national "Vote for Change" tour aimed at ousting President Bush, organizers announced Friday. Presented by MoveOn PAC, the Cricket Pavilion concert will be one of 35 scheduled by artists including Bruce Springsteen, the Dixie Chicks, John Mellencamp, Pearl Jam and the Dave Matthews Band in such "battleground states" as Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, Florida and Wisconsin.

Powell Peabody was elated that the Dave Matthews Band is coming to town on Oct. 3. But when she found out it was to promote Sen. Kerry, that enthusiasm abated slightly. "I'd prefer that my money not go to support Kerry," Peabody, 23, told the Detroit Free Press for a recent story. "And I'm not so sure I'd want my money going to (President George) Bush either. To be honest, I'd rather be supporting Dave Matthews."

Money generated from the concerts will go to America Coming Together (ACT), which promises on its Web site to "derail the right-wing Republican agenda by defeating George W. Bush." The shows will play in election swing states. They'll be presented by MoveOn PAC, the electoral arm of the liberal interest group MoveOn.org.

Kick Out The Jams, Motherfucker!
Hank Jr.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Why Amazon natives flunk math tests

Researchers discovered the Piraha tribe of Brazil, with a population of 200, have no words beyond one, two and many. The word for "one" can also mean "a few", while "two" can also be used to refer to "not many". Peter Gordon of Columbia University in New York said their skill levels were similar to those of pre-linguistic infants, monkeys, birds and rodents.

1+1=2. Mathematics doesn't get any more basic than this, but even 1+1 would stump the brightest minds among the Piraha tribe of the Amazon.

According to the Telegraph, the Pirahã "have little social structure, no art, and they barter instead of using currency. Their language is limited to just 10 consonants and vowels." The only words they have for numbers are "one," "two" and "many."

Gordon says this is the first convincing evidence that a language lacking words for certain concepts could actually prevent speakers of the language from understanding those concepts.

“Not only do the Piraha not count, but they also do not draw,” Gordon wrote. “Producing simple straight lines was accomplished only with great effort and concentration, accompanied by heavy sighs and groans.”

1, 2, uh, what?
Popy Ura

Friday, August 20, 2004

Punk Pioneers

With a wiggy eccentric named Doug.las Colvin, who became Dee Dee Ramone, and Tom Erdelyi, a high-strung neighborhood guy who became Tommy Ramone, they put on leather jackets, picked up some instruments and started playing and yelling as if their lives were at stake.

"Opposites attract and all that crap," shrugs Joey, who emerges as somewhat vaguer and more distant than we who loved him from a distance believed. Maybe this is unfair to a shy compulsive who was mortally ill when shooting began; certainly it's sick that only Tommy mentioned him at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction where Johnny shouted out to George W. Bush. Then again, only Marky gives props to Tommy, whose world-changing beat is dismissed separately by the three other original members.

As far as Ramones-specific stories go, End of the Century touches on a number of the myths surrounding the band, but the truth usually remains pretty foggy. Phil Spector did indeed make Johnny play one chord over 50 times during their recording session, but nobody says anything about him holding the band at gunpoint. "The KKK Took My Baby Away" is about Johnny stealing (and later marrying) Joey's girlfriend.

Beat on a Brat,
Popy Ura

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Nightmare's over! Hilton and Tinkerbell reunited

Paris Hilton's Chihuahua has been recovered. Isn't that a relief? We've simply been sick with worry, haven't we?

A distraught Hilton, who was often seen carrying Tinkerbell in her arms as she went about her daily life, initially offered a $1,000 (€809) reward, which was quickly upped to a $5,000 (€4,043) payment for the dog's return, after it went missing last week.

It's been a rough month for Hilton. Besides the disappearance of her dog, the Hollywood Hills home she shares with sister Nicky Hilton was burglarized by someone who took jewelry and cash.

Ms. Apple Bottom

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Procrastinating monkeys turned into workaholics

Like many humans, monkeys tend to slack when a goal is distant, but work harder as a deadline looms. But scientists in the United States have found a gene therapy - blocking the brain messenger chemical, dopamine - that makes the animals work hard all the time.

Scientists used a technique to turn off a gene that makes a receptor for dopamine. "The gene knockdown triggered a remarkable transformation in the simian work ethic." says Dr. Barry Richmond at the National Institute of Mental Health, in Bethesda, Maryland, "Without the dopamine receptor, they consistently stayed on-task and made few errors."

Just Monkeying Around,
Hank Jr.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Island bird that never flies

Twitchers should book their plane tickets as soon as possible. Wildlife experts yesterday claimed to have discovered a new species of bird in the Philippines. But they immediately warned that the flightless Calayan rail could be driven to extinction by development on the remote island.

The distinctive dark brown flightless birds, with orange bills and legs, were first spotted by the British conservation group BirdLife International during an expedition to Calayan, part of the Babuyan group of islands 320 miles north of Manila, in May.

Hank Jr.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


Upset with Bruce Springsteen's effort to oust President George Bush from the White House, the New York Conservative Party's candidate for the US Senate is launching a "Boycott the Boss" television commercial. "He thinks making millions with a song-and-dance routine allows him to tell you how to vote," Marilyn O'Grady says in the 30-second spot. "Here's my vote: Boycott the Boss. If you don't buy his politics, don't buy his music."

Springsteen is one of the many popular artists who are on the tour, including Dave Matthews Band, Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and the Dixie Chicks. So far, O'Grady is only taking issue with the Boss' participation. Springsteen "has a right to say what he thinks, but we have an equal right to speak," O'Grady said in a statement. "Now that he's moved on to the political stage to bash my president, it is entirely fair to respond."

Springsteen had run-ins with the Republicans in the past when various rightwingers -- including Ronald Reagan and Bob Dole -- tried to use his "Born in the USA" song from the the 1984 album of the same name. The song is about the welfare cuts and high unemployment of the 80s and tells the story of a struggling Vietnam veteran who finds it hard to get a break in the land of the free.

Is O'Grady a Pearl Jam fan? Probably not; most likely she's is just another misguided Republican trying to steal a little of Bruce's Thunder Road. Hopefully they'll go as far as to steamroll over his albums Beatles style! But, since Bruce isn't claiming to be bigger than Jesus, maybe the south won't rise again.

Grassy Ass,
Ms. Apple Bottom

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Aussie girls angry at bikini rivals

A STAND-off is looming over just who wears the bikinis at the Olympic beach volleyball competition in Athens.

Somebody calls a timeout. Volunteers scurry out to rake the court. And here come 10 gorgeous women in tiny orange bikinis, doing a vigorous hootchy-cootchy dance in the sand near the rakers. But wait. Maybe the bikinis aren't orange. Maybe they're peach or salmon. It's hard to tell because they're so small and they're moving so fast, bouncing, shaking, shimmying like crazy.

Dancing like I've never danced before,
Hank Jr.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Dream Team struggling to win medals and friends

Bring on the dancing girls! USA wins, USA wins! In an emotional, physical matchup against a loudly backed home side, the Americans barely escaped another humiliation. In the ultimate Olympic "road game" -- against underdog Greece and its effusive, passionate fans -- Team USA never demonstrated anything actually definable as composure in a 77-71 victory. But the Americans obviously still were haunted by a total meltdown against Puerto Rico two nights ago that fueled an opening game loss for the ages, the first by a U.S. team comprised of NBA players since the pros were welcomed into the Games in 1992, and only the third loss in Olympic history. The United States is now 110-3 all-time in Olympic play, but the Americans did little to silence critics Tuesday night despite a six-point win. Greece trailed most of the game, but made a late charge before falling. While leading most of the way, the Americans could not pull away from a stubborn Greek squad, leading only 37-31 at halftime and 57-53 entering the fourth quarter. Dimitris Papanikolaou had an inside shot but missed and Lamar Odom sank two final free throws as the US held on for victory.

Hank Jr.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Olympics Blog

What's not to love about Olympic Beach Volleyball?

H to tha Izzo,
Popy Ura, yo!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Oprah Winfrey ready for jury duty!
With a wave of her hand, Oprah Winfrey acknowledged reporters waiting outside as she received a special escort through an alternate entrance to the Cook Country Criminal Courthouse. Inside, she walked with the rest of the prospective jurors.

For daily pay of $17.20, the billionaire Chicago resident will travel from her tony North Side apartment to the grubby courthouse on the city's South Side.

Officials said that although she will not get special treatment she will be allowed to use a separate entrance to avoid disruption.

Delactably Yours,
Ms. Apple Bottom

Monday, August 16, 2004

Google Countdown
That's all well and good, but Google might make an even bigger splash than the IPO could ever achieve. The Wall Street Journal reported that the company's unorthodox approach to the going-public game is one of the reasons the SEC is considering whether to overhaul its 71-year-old regulations. "During the late 1990s, Internet companies pushed the edges of the quiet-period rules, ramping up heavy marketing and advertising during the time leading up to their IPOs, calling such spending normal business activity," the Journal reported. "Given the hazy rules, companies often clam up and stop communicating any information about the business.

Ms. Apple Bottom

Monday, August 16, 2004

U.S. basketball supremacy is ancient history

It took a grand total of eight minutes before it was clear that Team USA was in a world of trouble Sunday afternoon, and its dilemma didn't rest nearly as much in the athletes it has at its disposal as in the perimeter shooters it is lacking.

"I'm humiliated,'' U.S. coach Larry Brown said after his team's 92-73 loss to Puerto Rico. "Not with the loss -- I can always deal with the wins and losses -- but I'm disappointed because I had a job to do as a coach, to get us to understand how we're supposed to play as a team and act as a team.''

This is the measure of it. A squad of 12 NBA players, including LeBron James, a $100m-a-year Nike marketing machine and 11 other stars, was played off the court by a squad captained by a 40-year-old has-been with a dodgy knee.This is another: the US captain Allan Iverson makes more from his annual shoe contract with Reebok than the entire Puerto Rican team have made in their careers. Or, again, the US team is spending the duration of the Olympics in $1,000-a-night suites in the Queen Mary. The Puerto Ricans are shacked up in the athletes' village.

Gnar Kill,
Popy Ura

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Najaf braced for fresh onslaught

From the start of the operations to pacify the Shiite uprising in Najaf, the standoff was a worst-case scenario for the US marines. While they were fully capable of defeating the Mahdi militia men loyal to al-Sadr they knew that any use of overwhelming force would rebound on them to Washington’s discredit.

Iraq's national security adviser Mowaffaq Al Rubaie said in Najaf that the embattled US-backed interim government had given up trying to reach a deal with radical cleric Moqtada Al Sadr and his Mehdi Army.

'The Americans took a new position and we attacked. They didn't succeed,' said one stocky, bearded man carrying a Kalashnikov rifle. 'They tried to move forward to control a new position and then moved back. It happens every morning, but it is the first time it has happened here.' For at least an hour the two sides traded heavy machine-gun fire and the militia lobbed mortars towards the American tanks, several hundred metres east of the shrine.

The danger now is that, far from being contained, the Shia revolt will be unstoppable. Already it is clear that it is being supported from Iran, which has a vested interest in maintaining its influence in Iraq and there are fears that it could spread across the Shia areas of the Middle East. Far from maintaining dialogue among the main Iraqi groups, Allawi’s actions have only allowed the position to become fragmented. Worse, the aggressive talk about killing off al-Sadr and his supporters has only encouraged them to think about greater resistance and to embrace the promise of martyrdom.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Storm Jolts Florida

Hurricane Charley and its 75 mph winds raked the coast of the Carolinas Saturday while Floridians searched for victims and dug out from Friday's devastation.

Charley made its first landfall Friday at Captiva Island, Fla., roaring ashore as a Category 4 hurricane with 145 mph winds that devastated several towns and cities including Punta Gorda, Fla.

The strongest storm to strike Florida in 12 years knocked out electrical service to an estimated 2 million homes and businesses as it crossed the state from the southwest coast at Punta Gorda to the Atlantic at Daytona Beach.

At 5 p.m. East Coast time, the center of the storm was over northeast North Carolina, about 75 miles south of Norfolk, Virginia. Maximum wind speeds had decreased to about 70 mph (112 kph). Charley, a Category 4 storm, struck Florida's west coast yesterday with sustained winds of 140 mph.

When it hit, the storm upended trucks, twisted traffic lights into unrecognizable shapes and lifted entire houses atop neighbours' homes. Entire trailer parks were splintered to their foundations and dazed residents wandered around neighbourhoods, gathering miscellaneous belongings. At the Port Charlotte airport, small planes were stacked and snapped apart like toys cast off by an angry child.

"This place will never be the same," he said. "My home and this neighborhood can be rebuilt but not like they were. We've lost too much."


Saturday, August 14, 2004

Ashlee Bash
I was born and raised in Los Angeles, I am Party Girl, and I began honing my velvet-rope skills when I crashed Madison Parker's ultra-exclusive sixth birthday bash at Chuck E. Cheese (I'm still convinced the invite was lost in the mail). I'm old enough to be legal--but young enough to be lethal.

I arrive steps behind Mischa Barton and beau Brandon Davis, who hightail it inside the concrete-floored mansion and head straight over to catch up with hot 'n' heavy couple Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson. Between the million-dollar digs and beautiful people, it feels like I've stepped into a scene from The O.C., with Davis subbing for the absent Benjamin McKenzie. But enough gawking, I gotta check out the massive spread.

Queen Vapid,
Ms. Apple Bottom

Saturday, August 14, 2004

2004 Olympics
And so it begins; with a magical Opening Ceremony, Athens welcomed the best athletes from around the globe for the Olympic Games, which returned home. The first medal event of the Games, the Women's 10m Air Rifle Final, is expected with great anticipation. After all Air Rifle is a sport enjoyed by young masochists all over the globe. It is, I fear, one of the few non-sporting sports we can all agree on. Speaking of masochists, all gymnasts, like porn stars, tend to be masochists of a sort, and for some of them—the best of them, probably—ambition is happiness. Even good ol' American blonde ambition, where happiness is achieved through plastic surgery, and more notably boob implants, is happiness. American style, anyways.

I, personally, skipped the opening ceremony. And I don't care that I missed it, not one bit. Hell, last year, I missed the Macy's Day Parade, and if all goes well I'll miss it this year too. But, the choice is one everybody makes, but either way the ceremonies hold enormous power, the power to bore a man to tears for four straight hours, which is why it's a toss-up for many athletes.

So, let us celebrate. Let us celebrate peace, love, and understanding. Let us celebrate like Arash Miresmaili, who carried his country's flag in Friday's olympic games opening ceremony and then promptly refused to fight (and represent) his country because, "although I have trained for months and was in good shape I refused to fight my Israeli opponent to sympathize with the suffering of the people of Palestine and I do not feel upset at all". Well Arash, you should be upset. You just made you're country look like a bunch of assholes for letting you carry their flag. I mean, did you guys (that is, you and your country) think the Jews weren't coming? Like they ever miss a fight?

So that's it. The Olympics have started, and every country in the world is bringing their assholes with them. That, my friends, is good reality tv. Hopefully the French will get a chance to see that American's aren't the only arrogant bastards in the world.

This Just In: The kids from Amish in the City called the city kids spoiled again. Ahh the Amish (the honorary French)...fucking whiners.

Popy Ura

Saturday, August 14, 2004


An interview with Ashlee Simpson by Hank Jr.
I lost patience with Ashlee Simpson months ago. After attempting to conduct a simple e-mail interview, I discovered that her temper and self-righteousness make her impossible to deal with. Well, not really. I actually discovered that my temper and self-righteousness are impossible to deal with, and that she doesn't return email's from internet hobo's. With that said, here is my interview with Ashlee Simpson. Since she never once email'd me back, I answered the questions for her.

HankJR - Given that you're now doing things like Letterman and making appearances, seemingly, everywhere, do you attribute this to your talent or your MTV show? And, do you think it is appropriate to manipulate the American youth?

Ashlee - Oh, definately talent, and hard work. My father enrolled me in POP: Step by Step when I was very young, even younger then Jessica when she enrolled, and I learned a unique, short-cut method of singing where you just miss each note to save time. Manipulation? I don't think I'm manipulating kids, I just think that I'm helping to spread America's crass pop culture fluency throughout the world!

HankJR - In this day and age there is really no way to avoid being a sex symbol. In two years do you see yourself as an Aguilera styled skank or a Britneyesque hillbilly loser?

Ashlee - Hell, I know I'm sexy. My milkshake is a crisp cool delicious and creamy vanilla. I know that there is power in that. In two years I see myself as a master at harnessing that crazy sexy cool aura and using it. Like Madonna. Though my Lohan moment is already in the works, we're planning a nipple unveiling at the MTV Music Awards. We'll see, nothing's been finalized.

HankJr - I think we both know, that in Pop Music, clean laundry is important . . .so, clean undies? Or, do you go without?

Ashlee - Well, I don't go commando, yet. Daddy says that comes in year 2, and besides, as Jeru the Damaja says, "tight jeans give girls yeast infections", and on that front it's so far so good, ya know? So, I'd have to say clean undies. I mean, with all the paparazzi around when I'm wearing my short skirts, I'd hate to fall and be exposed to the world as a admiral striper!

Out like saur kraut!
Hank Jr.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Transient v_1
DiabloCody SikComik

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